Dress code for a personal training session: non-matching track suit, (soooo not Katie Price).  The other more professional “personal training peeps” seemed to be in matching track suits…

(I don’t know how they were able to achieve that combination without looking like a total chav)

I had been at an Iyengar yoga weekend the previous week and noticed that the very amazing teacher had front thigh muscles that actually split in two, (amongst other super life, yoga, yoga teaching changing jewels of information and teaching, which is another blog in itself).  I explained to my personal trainer Steve, that this is what I would like to achieve by the end of the one hour session… He looked at me and raised an eyebrow.
He then ushered me in to the consultation room, where I was told to remove my socks and shoes in order to get ready to be measured and weighed.  I ask if I needed to take more clothes off, as I didn’t want to see the scales record the weight of  garments and I don’t like wearing clothes.  Steve said that it was okay and that I should keep my clothes on… I found out that I had shrunk by an inch and I was now a probably more “normal” size 6’1/2″ foot aka 185cm (down with the kids metric measurement).

the extra pounds had been evenly distributed between my boobaloobas

The “magic scales” told me my Met Age – 35 (I now totes love Steve for bringing me this great news, one day before my agggghhhh 45th birthday). B.M.R – 1491, Vis Fat – 4, B.D – 2.5kg… all I could register in my brain was I am now 35 years old!  The scales also recorded body fat, water, lean and weight: 71.3kg.  Even though I have put on a couple of pounds (I usually weigh 69kg #rude), I was happy that the extra pounds had been evenly distributed between my boobaloobas.  This was all recorded on a sheet (not the boobaloobas bit) and explained most eloquently to me by Steve along with my ‘work plan’,what ‘sessions’ i.e cardio etc I am to do on a weekly basis.
My session for the time I had with Steve consisted of a list of weights exercises (as I previously requested).  Steve was incredibly knowledgeable on all aspects of exercise, lifts, weight/s etc.  First dead lifts, three sets of 8-10 repetitions with a 1 minute rest in between.  Now contrary to popular belief mirrors in gyms are not just for checking out your hair and doing selfies, they also serve a purpose.  Whilst lifting, pressing, pushing the weights it is useful to see ones form. As in yoga you can see where there are weakness in the body and how you can adjust, safely.

hindered by uncontrollable giggling and all round floppiness

Whilst attempting a squat lift I found my self squatting unable to push myself back up, from the floor.  This was a strange sensation and was hindered even further by uncontrollable giggling and all round floppiness.  Steve managed to safety lift me up off the floor and back into an upright position.
After completing my bar weights (Olympic bar weighs 25kg for men and 20kg for women).  This is the long “stick” type bar that you see the traditional strong men in circuses carry.  The weight is made more heavier/lighter by adding/taking away extra weights added evenly both sides at the end of the bar.  Chanel or Gucci don’t make them….I was moved onto the Kettle Bell swing.  Using a competition 12kg bell, I “swung” it from in between my legs to eye level.  Once one understood the momentum of the bell one could start ‘swinging’ but without having proper concentration ‘powers’ (of more that 5 seconds).  I found myself being lifted off the floor and moving towards the wall!  I was reminded by Steve to concentrate and stay back on my heals, which lead to lots of screaming and trying not to fall about!

Barbies first kettle bell weight

Lastly we moved on to “windmills” with a what looked like Barbies first kettle bell weight (8kg)…I thought this would be totes easy as the ‘windmill’ looked like similar to the yoga pose trikonasana/triangle, holding the Barbie weight up high towards the ceiling…this proved to be the hardest exercise confirming to myself that I am a right weed, with no balance, concentration or stability (mentally or other)..I also had the best time in this exercise, screaming, laughing and attempting to again stay up right!  Uprightness is soooo overrated.


Uprightness is soooo overrated.

We finished the session with some stretching and talked about a program going forwards. I love ‘baby weight training’, I don’t want to bulk up, just get stronger and have more stamina.  I totally had a super time at the session, felt great and with the assurance that Steve was by my side I was able to safely attempt, come into and out of all exercises without injuring myself.
I spoke to Steve about how long, if a regular program was carried out would it take me to see results.  He told me to take selfie without many clothes on, (all I could think of was excellent, how many people can I send it to? Apparently it is “just for yourself”) to monitor your own progress…booooo. And that it wouldn’t take too long!
That evening I looked forward to attempting to bring my inner and outer thighs together later on during the week, without the aid of clamps or ice… One day later I am scooting round on my bottom like a nappied baby who hasn’t quite learnt how to walk. Looking forward to my split thighs.
Namaste & go raibh maith agat


Bitchmittens Ellen


Links and notes
Steve Killeen (available for classes and one to one personal training totes recommend, The Engine Room, Portumna).
Sent from my iPhone (Note from Ed: Because that’s how Ellen roles)


Final note – this header image is not of the gorgeous Ellen, but it may as well be. She’s a big ride.