Surf holiday 2018 Day Fecking One

Or…

How important is it to have a towel/correct towel on holidays/in life.

Packing is a good way to start any holiday!  Automatically assuming that there would be a towel/serval towels at surf holiday accommodation.  I always travel light with as much inappropriate, non-practical clothing as I can fit into my hand (job) luggage…aka NO towel EVER required, Jah will provide.  High five myself for fitting everything into my hand luggage case and in my friend’s massive suitcase which can carry two whole huge bags of toiletries. I was told in the departures queue that there were a couple of towels knocking about (let’s face it there always are a couple) in the holiday house. Boom! Sorted.
We arrived at our location in Anchor Point, Morocco at about five pm  that evening, after getting boards and a FREE medium ladies, cool Capri pant, 3/4 sleeved wetsuit for myself… Obvs everyone else had checked in massive luggage with warm wetsuits!  The sun was out, the boards were on the roof and too excited about practicalities, I changed into my tiny FREE wetsuit (no booties or flip-flops). Hey, it was warm and there were only a token amount of rocks, boulders, dog shite and broken glass to overcome on the way to the beach. Be GRAND. Totally ignoring all instructions about lockboxes (something you can put keys in with a four-digit combination code); there were two apparently; one attached to the car for the car keys and one attached to the balcony table for the house keys with different number codes. So that is 2 two sets of codes, with 4 numbers each in random orders…
Given it took me SIX YEARS to memorise my own mobile phone number there was no chance of me trying to remember any of these, obvs.
Whooooooo weeeeeee there are camels on the beach (OK one camel) the sun is setting and the water is, well coolish actually…So I jump into the sea with my 9 foot Bic, (which is a make of board not a large lady razor/pen).  As normal, everyone paddles out far further than myself as I am too excited looking at the camel, squealing at the jumping fish and getting dragged out by the current, with my now drafty backless Barbie sized wetsuit (bearing in mind I am six foot one with average size boobaloobas, which are amazing.)
After getting dragged around in the sea catching a few junior waves as the sun was setting over the Atlantic Ocean, I decided to get out, to make my way across the pebbly, bouldery beach to the cars where one of the lock boxes is dangling from the back undercarriage. I remembered where one of the boxes are! How great am I!  Unable to recall from my imaginary imagination what the code was for the first lockbox, I just started yanking it.  One of the locals came up to me thinking I was breaking into the car! Moroccan carpark neighbourhood watch?
He started to ask me what I was doing!  By now it was getting dark, I was freezing cold and my fingers had started to go white. He then managed to convince me to look after his tiny puppy called Linda, who would be asleep ‘on the shelf’ (I know how that feels luv), whilst he goes into Taghazout town centre for the night!  Okay I reply.
I cannot get into the car, however, I know where the second lockbox is, right?  So I make the journey from the car down and across the rocks with my white fingers, backless wetsuit, carrying a nine-foot board.  Barefoot. I find the second lock box locked under the table. I can barely make out the numbers (that I don’t know the code to) in the failing light. So my next super great idea was to go back to the car, minus the board and somehow the first lockbox would have magically opened!
Errrrr it hadn’t.
And what about Linda the puppy what time were my puppy sitting duties due to commence? Did she have a blanket? Food? What would I do if she started to cry, what would Linda do if I started to cry!
Oh it was all too much responsibility…
Eventually, the rest of the lads came back with stories of lockbox codes which involved their ages and a blow job (69) and ages of women they would like to be with! Totes sense! I cannot believe I didn’t think of that!
By now I am totally freezing and damp! And I didn’t even have a towel!  In the kitchen, there was this stiff piece of blue and white fabric which had the texture of a wall hanging and the look of a tea towel. I instantly fell in like with it!  This 4 by 4 centimetre square of cloth was going to save me!
Panic!  No hot water!  Just get changed before hyperthermia sets in!!!! Apparently, the blue tap is hot and the red is cold, and breathe… I finally warm up  and dry my non ‘medium’ self off with the 4 by 4 square, (who I have now named ‘towel’) He is totally a fully functioning drying implement and does truly deserve a proper name.  Note to self must buy a ‘proper towel’ and discard ‘towel’ I don’t say this to myself out loud as I don’t want to offend ‘towel’ who has pride of place drying of the back of my plastic bedroom furniture chair.
Two days later I am still using ‘towel’ and some of the stains are looking a bit dodgy; I do hope he has not been doubled up as an actual tea towel by my fellow surf buds and I will probs keep quiet if he has! But I truly love him!  Maybe the life lesson is this; Just get any old towel and just maybe he will work for you? But until that day I will keep not looking for the super deluxe, fluffy, well rounded/squared/rectangled, fat, age-appropriate towel!
Yours,
#Bitchmittens Ellen
Morocco.

10 Reasons I Love You

I Love You #Surfing

1. Mind space.

Bad day? Woke up the wrong side of your own bed by yourself (again)… Drive to the coast, posh lounge pants and OMG push up Ultimo bra in shocking pink leopard print… Turn up the stereo, open the windows! Feel the stress following out of your veins and into the ether…. Pulling into the beach car park, rubber necking to see the size of the waves. Feel the excitement! Once in the water all that you notice are the sea, the noise of the waves, the sky and how quickly you can catch your first wave of the morning/afternoon/evening….my mind is now clear of any “busyness”.

 

2. Rush.

Once up on that wave; ones position on the board is good. Feeling the water and the power of the swell beneath you, pushing you forwards, #babscartland. Getting up (eventually) to your feet/knees/whatever body part (not lady garden). Up and riding along the length of the wave – “thank god I am alive and truly blessed to be able to have this experience, on earth” #heavy.

 

3. Tan

“to be sure”…apply fake tan before entering the water. To make it look like you hang out at the beach all the time! Even in the winter sun you can actually get a tan/wind burn from surfing! Bonus…

 

4. Nature

Waves, birds, sky, seaweed, even the odd seal. Need I say more?

 

5. Flip flops

Amazing, versatile footwear. Who needs an excuse to buy havaianas in thirty different colours??? Team them up with thick hand knitted woollen socks, to go from summer to winter!

 

6. Hair products

Lady-folk have to buy products during “holiday season” to get beach & festival hair. You can even get a blow dry that looks like you have been to the beach! Just create your own “beach look” by actually going to the beach!

 

7. Social (Real kind)

Surfing attracts all types of people and it is totally social as long as one has an open attitude. And guess what – you all having surfing in common!

 

8. Well fit

The first time I surfed I couldn’t believe how out of breath and just generally tired I was, after only an hour. It is an amazing all round work out. Good cardio, works the legs, walking out into the waves with a rip/current isn’t as easy as it looks! Paddling is an amazing upper body and shoulder work out. “Popping up” (standing up) on the board, “riding” the wave. Good for core, balance and joints.

 

9. Fun

It is the most fun in all types of weather!

 

10. Chips & Mayo

A lot of beaches have beach-front eateries. Being in the water sat waiting for waves and smelling chips, is the best! They also taste the best after a surf!

 

This Top 10 was brought to you by:

Ellen

~BitchMittens ELLEN

Ellen Baggs, when not being a beach babe can be found teaching Yoga all over the place. Check out her Bookface page https://www.facebook.com/EllenBaggsYoga/ but try not to perve, as she is totally lush.

Life: Can You Hear Me Now?

Ellen gets some life instuction – and passes it on 🙂

I went for an narly dude surf a few weeks ago in Lahinch. The skies were clear blue, the sun was out, the water was 14 degrees. It was like a beautiful Irish summers day in October! The waves were huge and “fluffy” (man term = “foamy”). So I ended up as always do in the “junior surf” rather than on the reef/inner Cornish/ outer Cornish/inner/outer beach. The aforementioned are all places I should probably be, after surfing for a few years now. Apparently – “You really need to be pushing youerself”. Anyways I love “fluffy surf” and you don’t get lovely foam or bubbles at “pushing yourself reef”.

I also tend to surf near one of the local surf schools (through no fault of my own; I like to go left). Ben Surf Clinic has great instructors.  They’ll give out tips when one is in the water and believe you me I need as many tips/instructions as I can get #greedyinstructions. I love a good instruction! One of Ben’s lovely instructors was watching me and gave me some advice. He told me how to control my weight distribution on the board and how to pick up speed after one has made the turn (to the left of course)!

I tried it out next wave. I moved my weight to the back of the board to turn, then moved my front foot 45 degrees, bent my knees more, opened up my front hip and put my weight back on my front foot (where my body would have been when paddling), which made the board pick up speed due to weight distribution and wave momentum! How amazing is that!

I couldn’t believe it was so simple.

How could I not have “heard” that instruction before in all my years surfing?

It’s the same with yoga, and yoga teaching. I went to an amazing workshop recently at the East Clare Yoga Centre. Where I “heard” two separate instructions that made so much sense re: bones and pubis (love a good pubis instruction). Why had I not “heard” these instructions before either? It got me thinking (I know, steady on!). As in life sometimes one is not able/ready to hear something. Wether there is too much other stuff going on inside ones head or whether you just don’t make the connection or”get it”.

Similar personal examples apply too, you know that someone has been given a “life” instruction. And you know that they are not able to follow it yet. You have to allow them to follow/hear the instruction in their own time. After all it only took me four years for the surf instruction, six years for the yoga instruction and when I die probs for the “life instruction” to sink in.

 

My best,

xxx

#Bitchmittens Ellen

Yoga made me

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